Saturday, July 13, 2013

Themed Resorts you're NEVER going to see: Idea One

  So, as I'm sitting here tonight, enjoying my adult style beverage, I've been pondering something (a dangerous pastime, I know). While having my husband catch up on listening to the epic podcast from my buddies over at Mickey Mutineers, something amazing and horribly wrong dawned upon me from one of their guest questions.  Because of that it sparked my newest series of articles..

...Resort Hotel Themes
  you're NEVER going see...

  Because, some themes are just entirely wrong yet ever so damn fun to ponder! This appeals to not only my lovely twisted side but the part of me which loves to figure out "How in the seven holy hells does one theme THAT?!"  Because I ponder things like that, I have a LOT of spare time. 

  Now let's begin on a list of the most horrible themes for a resort hotel that my twisted mind (with the help of some equally twisted friends) can think up and eventually over-complicate in some way/shape/form.  Over the course of the night I proceeded to contact my other night-owl friends and poll them on what the most screwed up, messed up theme they could think up was. This is one such result. 

Idea One: The REAL Pleasure Island
By: Kitsune Hazard of Kitsuneverse

"You know, with absconding children and the whole nine yards" was the exact quote. This one is easy to work with! Theme this out with all the fun adult vices and make it a "No Kidz Allowed" type resort because after all, if we're delving into child slavery, let's do it right! All the drugs and booze and adult vices one can wish in a semi-public type setting while forcing kids to wait on your beck-and-call. From bringing you a fresh Tequila Sunrise or a LSD Cocktail, if you need a Rum Swizzle chaser or even 3am waffles, there are dozens of child labor law violators there to provide! 

 Theme this towards the version we all spotted in Pinocchio only towards adults! Giant liquor inflatable balloons which randomly toss out single shooter sized bottles. Those lovely champagne bubble baths as hot-tubs.  A few dark-rides that promise you permanent LSD flashbacks which require therapy. Black lights and velvet posters of fat Elvis. A 24 hour speak easy bar which requires a password for entrance (hotel guests only), the whole shabang!  If we're going to break the laws, let's break them in the most fun way possible!

 Let's add in some "phobia" rooms! You too can now spend a week in a luxury hotel room themed like Bozo the clown, right out of your nightmares and available for purchase. Psychotic clown laugh included at no extra charge!  How about one with spiders? Everyone loves spiders! Where little tiny projectors randomly plaster you ceiling with the images of tiny spiders crawling everyplace. In the bathroom fake plastic spiders will fall on you while taking a shower. We can even have rooms called "Bad Acid Trip" featuring red glowing eyes under your bed, growling plants and attacking pink bunny slippers! The ideas for this are endless!

 Do you have a funny idea for a themed hotel or resort that we're NEVER going to see? Feel free to share it in the comments or if you'd like my sick and twisted brain to run wild with an idea, please email me at

 Idea Two: Coming Next Week!

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