The Seas with Nemo and Friends- You Annoy Me

 Many moons ago, when I was a small child I used to love "The Living Seas" pavilion at Epcot Center. It wasn't the most impressive to most people but I always loved how you felt underwater, plus they had one of the only aquariums in Orlando.  However, this new incarnation of the pavilion, featuring projected cartoon Disney fish? It just annoys me.

(Keep Reading- More Below!)

Tales from the Firing Line- The Tram Tales.

Welcome to Friday Folks!
To give you a good send off for an excellent park weekend, we've got yet another "Tales from the Firing Line" for you to enjoy. Sorry it's a bit late but at least it's here!

"The Tram Tales"

This is a series of stories which comes from the various times I'd get pulled from my normal area to help work Traffic Control at SeaWorld Orlando. Now to understand why this happened, let me share a few details. Many moons ago before the major expansions in SeaWorld Adventure Parks, Before the year 2000, the park at summer normally had a total of about 5300 in staff. The winter hours they ran the "Skeleton Crew" of about 3000 until May of each year.
Now I gave SeaWorld 4.5 years of my life, all threw High School I worked for them and even slightly beyond then. Threw this time I was found to have common sense, use the knowledge of the park (and animals and events) to help folks. This got me cross-trained in 95% of the Park Operations department, so when they got short and wanted someone who knew their ass from a hole in the ground, outside of "Work Force" (which is their name for floaters who only did basic work like greeting and sweeping), I got called in a lot.

These are the tales from when I was called to Traffic, to be more exact. Trams.

1. ..But I don't want to WALK to my car!
It was nearly the end of a balmy night mid-April when this winning group stumbled onto the tram. Naturally I made my typical announcement:
"Good Evening, We hope you enjoyed your day here at SeaWorld Orlando! This tram is servicing ONLY the Pete and Penny Penguin Lot, that is Pete Penguin and Penny Penguin. We will not be traveling to any other lots tonight, ONLY Pete and Penny Penguin!
As more folks boarded the tram, I kept making my announcement. Trying to make folks aware we only went to TWO LOTS, the ones are the very far end of the parking lot way off to the left.  Many folks would board until we where nearly full, hear the annoucement and unload themselves. This group however, did not.

Look, I made you an image!
Sorry I'm no artist!

Blue is the original "Parking Lot" we had then.
Pink is the area of Pete and Penny Penguin.
Yellow is where the trams would wait.

Well, this group wasn't leaving and we had about a half load. Pretty good for 45 minutes after the fireworks, so I made my next annoucement:
"Once again, this tram is ONLY servicing the Pete and Penny Penguin Parking Lots! Please keep your arms and legs inside the tram at all times while in motion, please fold all strollers and seat small children to the inside of the row. "
A quick look, all looks good.
"Driver, we're clear to depart"
The following honk of Acknowledgement and we where on our way out. It's not a very long ride, 2-3 minutes at the longest. We quickly arrive at our drop location.
"Okay folks we've reached the Pete and Penny Penguin Lots. Please exit to your right, we hope you've had a wonderful visit to SeaWorld Orlando and hope you'll visit with us again soon!"
The folks are unloading, we wait a good ten minutes for folks to get safely off with their collection of items (strollers, bags, small kids..) but this one group is looking around confused.
Aw Shit. Not one of the these!

So here it comes:
"Folks, this is our ONE and ONLY stop. Pete and Penny Penguin Parking Lots. We will NOT be traveling to any other parking lot, so if your parked here please carefully disembark the tram"

In reply, this one man who we'll call Mr. AngerManagement screeches: BUT I AM PARKED IN BABY SHAMU AND YOU NEED TO TAKE US THERE NOW!
"I'm sorry Sir, this tram isn't servicing that lot. Your welcome to ride back with us but we'll not be stopping there".
Mr.AngerManagement: WHAT DO YOU MEAN, I HAVE TO WALK?! I WALKED ALL DAY AND YOU HAVE TO TAKE US TO OUR CAR NOW!
"Again, I'm very sorry but we've clearly stated many times this tram only services Pete and Penny Penguin parking lots tonight. We'll happily take you back to the tram station though!"

This same rant continues for another ten minutes, I can see my driver just DYING with laughter in the cab. At this point I'm done fighting with Mr. AngerManagement and tell my driver we're all clear after my typical safety spiel. While on the way back, I grab my radio and call for a manager to meet us at the Tram station because I know what's coming.

After arriving back at the tram stop Mr. AngerManagement and his passel of folks unload and he comes stomping to the back of the tram. He proceeds to scream loudly at me because he's far to lazy to walk the whole 25 feet to the Baby Shamu lot, You should know the drill. I ruined his vacation, he wants all his money back, wants free tickets for the rest of his life, will have my job, will own the park cause he's going to sue.. blah-blah-blah-heard-it-all-before-still-have-a-job.  At this point people are loading up for the next tram run, Mr. AngerManagement is screaming loudly and cussing rather violently to the point his entire face has gone deep red.
"Sir, Please calm down. I understand your very upset and I've called for a manager to come speak with you about your troubles and concerns. However your language is making other guests uncomfortable, Your welcome to scream at me all you like but the profanity is unacceptable."  
You would think I'd just murdered his entire family in front of him, because I thought this man was going to have a heart attack at that exact second. His face got even more red and his volume went up about four notches. His poor family is trying to hide, looking mortally embarrassed across the plaza. Naturally, he kept right up with his vulgar tirade against all things ever created. Insert eye-rolling here.

 During this time I keep on with my same exact spiel while he's busy cussing and screaming, PERMA-IGNORE ACTIVATE! (Because believe it or not folks, Verbal Abuse of any theme park employee is cause for ejection and banning from Seaworld Adventure Parks.)
"Good Evening, We hope you enjoyed your day here at SeaWorld Orlando! This tram is servicing ONLY the Pete and Penny Penguin Lot, that is Pete Penguin and Penny Penguin. We will not be traveling to any other lots tonight, ONLY Pete and Penny Penguin!

I finally see a manager approaching from left field!
Happily I had off Mr.AngerManagement, who's family has now left him there (I'd have left his ass as whale chow myself) to my manger. I pop to Tylenol and the night goes on!

Later that night after we're finally all clear, I clock out and run into my manager. Naturally I have to ask about Mr. AngerMangement! Well, he got exactly what he want.. to NEVER return to SeaWorld Orlando! Mr. AngerManagement was so loud and rude he got several complaints from other guests and managed to get himself banned from property.


This just goes to show you, cussing and screaming will get you nothing but trouble!

Now this really gets my goat...

Do you see this image? Do you even have a clue what it is?
Allow me to rant enlighten you.

It's the badge from the Epcot Wonders of Life pavilion.
Location: Orlando, Florida
How to find it: Go to Epcot Center at Disney World. Look for the big gold dome beside Universe of Energy that's closed.  It's pretty damn simple to locate even for idiot tourists.

Now this is why I get pissed.

Wonders of Life had the goal of letting the morons know to put the fork down and take care of their bodies.  Which I'm not the best example of this, it was pretty amazing when you think that MetLife and Disney put this together in 1989 before the "We're all FAT" thing became an epidemic.  They tried to teach the sheeple that you should probably stuff some semi-healthy things down your Pie-hole once in a while to go with that Mickey Ice cream bar you just ate.

Have you figured out I'm not a huge fan of idiots and I'm sarcastic?
Good.

Now, the Pavilion closed in 2007 but had been in decline since 2001 when MetLife dropped sponsorship. Eventually it completely closed, the rides and attractions where shuttered and left for the dust bunnies to colonize. Now it's rotting in the Florida sunshine, open only rarely for event space. This means the rides never run and it's just a convenient place to find some air conditioning on those hot days unless your interested in the event being held.

On to the rant now that you've got a little bit of background history.

With the fact "Eat Healthy and Exercise"is the big craze again to the point their making you pay extra for your Happy Meal today, you would think Disney would cash in on this. Wonders of Life is simply sitting there unused and it's entire point was, get this, Health and Exercise!
They really need to step up the ball for this one.
Rides and Shows can still easily run, the settings where never taken out or re-programed. The space is empty and waiting to be used for something, so get to work. Re-open and update the Cranium Command show which was a family friendly show about how your body reacts in daily events.
Body Wars was a simulator ride threw the human body, very "Innerspace". Now while I've heard various rumors that the simulators themselves have been gutted for parts to support Star Tours, I've also heard they used two untouched ride simulators for the pre-testing of the new Star Tours.
(If you can give me a straight answer on this or better yet: Pictures, I'll love you forever and give you cookies)
This could could probably be brought back online with a little work and some updates. If you wanted to get frisky and keep it more family friendly, you could do a cartoon/reality hybrid similar to Osmosis Jones.

There is so much you could do with this place.
For food options you could have a Salad and Juice bar. If you really want to appeal to people, offer vegetarian fare or even vegan options.  Use those big words they like to tote out on the news like "Reduced Fat" and "Reduced Sodium", get people to try it at least. Perhaps they felt frisky, a small show like the old pizza places in the style of "Kitchen Kaberat" could easily be a draw for young and old..

Which brings up shows and space fillers. You could have something to the extent of "What fat does to you" or if that isn't hunky-dory enough for Disney "Exercising doesn't hurt, you've been doing it all day". Once upon a time the pavilion sported "Peddle Bikes" which showed you a move of you walking around one of the Disney Parks. Update and upgrade these for a 3D feel and you'd easily have a winner on your hands.  It could even print out a little "I peddled around XXXXXX today!" things so people have a little memento and no one is going to want one that says "My fat ass only peddled 20 feet".

It just boggles my mind that WDI and Management has simply let this place sit for so long without use, especially with current trends.

The downside to this is also the fact it's sat so very long.
The pavilion it's-self is in very rough shape both inside and out. It's pretty viable even if your just inside for a few moments that the roof is leaking, the fact they let people inside with this isn't exactly surprising.. just upsetting.

At this point I'm  not even sure the building would be sound enough to gut and re-model but letting it just rot away can't be the right answer. Wake up and smell the mold, Disney. It's time to put Epcot back to glory not let attractions be shuttered for no reason. Go approch someone like Whole Foods or Kashi and get this place back on the map!

If you'd like a better idea of the Pavilion's History, I reccomend:
Martin's Vids, The Wonders of Live
All Ears, Basic Rundown of Wonders of Life