Thursday, October 17, 2013

[Haunt Review] Freddy's Haunts...Biggest Mistake EVER!

  This is probably going to be my only Haunt Review for the season, if not for as long as I can manage it.  I'm stating right up front that I am not a fan of being scared and it usually leads to someone getting injured but trust me when I say that my dislike of houses does not color my review. (The horridness of the haunt did that on it's own)

Disclaimer: I was not invited to this event and the fact that I wasn't invited didn't sway my opinions either.
  So this all started because my sister and brother-in-law asked me to join them for dinner and a haunted house and I figured "What the hell, maybe one house can't hurt."

Below is my review of Freddy's Haunts:
  • Date Visited: 10/5/2013
  • Review Team: Just me
  • Support People: My older sister Amy and her husband, John
  • Time: 9pm
  • The house is located inside an aircraft hanger so it runs rain or shine
 (Click to continue on to the full review!)

 So this haunt is located in Aliquippa, PA about 40 minutes outside of downtown Pittsburgh (depending on how you drive *wink wink*).  On the website they state that "getting there is half the scare", now that part is very much true.  You have to drive on back roads that are unlit and dark as hell to get up this hill to the field.  Now, the website says that there are signs that drivers can follow but THERE ARE NO SIGNS!!!!  I am not kidding, once we got off the highway and onto the state route we had to rely on Google maps on my phone.  The whole drive was my sister asking "Are we still on the blue line?"  The only sign we saw was the sign at the parking lot at the top of the field.  Also parking is free (big perk!!) but words of caution for the wise...there are scares hiding in the lot.

  So the path to the entrance is painted in black-light paint but there's no one outside on the path to try to scare, seriously it's wooded people!! Stick someone in those trees!!!

 The line inside moves pretty well and there is a very well stocked concession stand and the prices were reasonable (I forgot a picture, sorry). 

Prices: $12 for a single ticket
             $25 for a season pass
             They do have a military discount if you've got ID
             There are also group rates available

  There are scarers along the line but I think they were just there for decoration because they were carrying on full conversations with people instead of trying to work people up, although the group of 12-year-olds was making the entire line laugh because they screamed at everything!!

  Eventually you end up at the opening of the house where an individual divides people into groups (our group was a total of 8 people) and you're then lead into a castle dungeon.  And here's where it gets cruddy:

  You are introduced to a gentleman that says he works for the Western PA Paranormal Investigators and while standing in the dungeon there's a black rose in the middle of the floor.  With this set up we expected to get one hell of a story...but nope.  A little grim reaper comes out of the wall and a gentleman with clown makeup comes through the door (THIS CLOWN THING HAS TO STOP!).  So the grim reaper walks the group holding the rose and then hands it over to the person that is to lead the group.  Yeah, guess who got the stupid rose....this writer.

  So I'm not going to give the 1.5 mile walk away but please be aware that none of the rooms make sense; there's an underground section, a graveyard, and what seems to be a toy room.  Also, just when you think you're done (because the actors break character and tell you so) there is a maze at the end which would've been cool except for a certain issue which I'll discuss later.  And there were two girls singing the song from 'Hocus Pocus' and they had wonderful voices, not scary but just beautiful to hear.

  The problems we noticed along the way:
  • Lazy costuming: Seriously, raccoon eyes and white face make-up are not scary.  Head masks that don't fit and create a point along your face are not scary. Black jeans and t-shirts? Really?  Get into character people!
  • Screaming: This people aren't out to scare you, they're out to give you a headache.  The actors get right up in your face and scream at you.
  • Clowns and Zombies: These things are so NOT scary and overdone that it's just annoying.  Honestly, you're not scary so just let these go.
  • Equipment 1: By the end of the walk we wanted to take the chainsaws and turn them on the actors.  One or two is okay but the four we saw was ridiculous especially since there were two in the same place.  Plus if you want people to keep moving (as the screaming actors insisted) don't put the stupid chainsaw directly across the path and block everyone in one place.
  • Equipment 2: Strobe lights are the worst thing ever!!!  I know that most houses have strobe and there's no escaping that fact but these guys went overboard.  There were two rooms that are lit by strobe and it was going crazy fast and (here is the issue I mentioned before) the maze was also lit by strobe.  Now, nowhere on the website or outside the house did it mention that strobe was in use and this caused a major problem for my sister and I since this type of lighting renders us completely blind and it pissed the three of us off.  My poor brother-in-law had to lead two blind people because we had no prior notification of some stupid ass strobe lit only maze.  When we finally got out the gentleman maning the parking lot even said "We have to be careful in case people have epilepsy."  SERIOUSLY!! Than where are your notifications for those people!!!
  By the time we exited the entire hanger the three of us were drained, headachy, and pissed off.  We did not have a good time; we were not scared; and we just wanted to go home.  The drive back down the "we have signs posted" hill was still entertaining, it's like they grow fog in farm country, but we were glad to leave. 

  So in conclusion none of us liked this haunt.  There were no scares or jumpy moments and everything so poorly done in our opinion.  If you'd like to enjoy a good scare go visit our main page and Kitsuneverse and see where else the Haunt Tour has been this season, but please don't go to this haunt because if these people can't even scare me than they can't scare anyone.

For more information about tickets, hours and dates of operation, directions and anything else you may be curious about, check out the Freddy's Haunts webpage.

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